Hi Ryan,

I assume that your dad told you about the DVD. I also found the Zippo
lighter a couple of days ago and put it with the DVD.

I did check that student-home version of MS office, and it doesn't
expire like all of the student versions of the really expensive software
I'd like to buy for school. You should definitely get it when you get
to school. That one version should last you through all four years.
Let me know if you want a tutorial on any of the programs you aren't
familiar with. Actually, you are probably a wiz at all of them now.

If you feel pressured to get a laptop, let's talk. It seems everyone at
school owns one, but they rarely bring them in except for certain
occasions. We can discuss why and the differences for your education,
plus how often they crash and get stolen.

By the way, from the history I have put together (found more after
talking to you), your mom has benefited greatly from her partnership
with Mike. He might not be the wage earner that your dad is, but he
seems to be shrewd as far as real estate (or perhaps just lucky), but
more importantly, I think that he is able to stand his ground better
than your dad. Your dad was unable to say "no" to your mom and their
financial situation was not good and hadn't been for years when they
separated.

The point of all of this is that you don't need to take care of them.
They do a darned good job on their own. We all have bad years due to
job losses, illness, etc. But we get back on our feet, and in 6 months
or so, we are back on track.

--
Deirdre (Dee) Hall
T&D Hall Associates
(978)922-8409
[link]

Hi Dee,
Thanks for letting me know about the Zippo. I think I'll pick it up when I come down to work for Senator Obama on Super Tuesday or the weekend before, along with the other stuff.
I don't think you understand what the pressure of your insistent requests, demands, and information divulging is doing to me. It is placing me between two sets of people that I care about, trying to find a way to please both. It is using me as a tool to fight your battle for you; your fight is an adult's fight between yourself and my mother. I have no place in this fight. It is causing me such emotional stress that I am losing sleep, and my personality has been noticeably different to people who know me well.
There is nothing I can do to influence either party, one way or the other. There is no purpose to your continuing to use me as a playing piece, unless you wish to continue causing me pain, which I do not believe is your intention.
I would like this bullshit to stop right now. I am tired, sick, and physically ill over the stress you and my father have put me under.
I think you might now understand why I come down to visit so infrequently; each time I leave very distressed and unhappy.
I hope you understand what you were doing to my head in the past few months, and will desist.
Sincerely yours,
Ryan



Dad,
I am taking responsibility for my education by working on what I CAN influence, and that is scholarship applications, and keeping a 3.5 GPA so I earn the Pres. Scholarship; I truly have no influence over how much money you or my mother give me, and it has been bothering me very much that I was trying to work with something that was not responding. First, I attempted to find out how much moeny was under my social security number, and your side of the table was unsure of the amounts there, or neglected to tell me. Then on your bidding I attempted to find out how much money my mother had, and have been told that she herself is unsure. So I am from hereon in giving up dealing with either side when it comes to how much money is being put on the table; that is the decision and perogative of yourself and my mother, and I truly have no power in deciding what it is, can be, or will be. I will focus on putting as much on the table as I can personally, because it is my education and my future, and therefore I should be working harder than either you or my mother to make sure it happens with as few kinks as possible. And, if you happen to have enough money to almost cover me through college, there is grad school to consider. I'd like to be able to come out debt-free from that as well, and maybe even have some rent money put away for when I get an apartment, hopefully with some friends somewhere, where I get my first job.
I probs already have a fall-back point; Tia is getting an apartment in Portland, and Kennebunk is a place where I am basically guaranteed a job (as an English-Latin certified teacher that I hope to be, and as an alumnus) so I could start off there. I don't know if I told you, but when I was talking to the superintendent after interviewing him for somehting for the RAMPAGE, he asked after what I was doing, and basically told me that as an alumnus I am almost guaranteed a job. True, he probs would only pay $38 grand/year, but it's a start, and cost of living in Maine isn't as ridiculous as in some places. I could live either in Portland or the Kittery area (thereby shopping in NH) and try to do what I could. I do have plans, you know
I'm going to Ireland in April. Period. The plane ticket cossts $500 round-trip (about 5/8 of the summertime cost) and hostels are probs around $30-40 a night, so in total for 10 days we're talking between $800 and $900 for staying, and probs another $250 ish for food (prices are higher in numberover there than ours, and the money costs more - yikes!).
Anyhow, hoping you're having a wonderful weekend, and I'll talk to you soon.
~ryan


Ryan,

First and most of all, I am really sorry. I never meant for you to feel
bad in any way. I feel terrible. After reading your email I was unable
to focus on anything, including the Patriots playoff game, and falling
asleep was really difficult and took several hours.

I wish that you had said something much sooner, but reading your e-mail
I see words and language that is almost from a completely different,
more mature person. Perhaps this is the medium under which you can
express your true feelings more easily. Maybe I should have emailed you
sooner. Whatever. I am sorry that it went on so long without you
saying anything. You should always feel free to say something. Your
feelings are as important as anybody else's, and we don't want to stress
you to that point.

You are not a playing piece. You are the most important person. You
are the only one that matters in this situation. You are the one going
to college. You stepped up and started asking questions about what was
saved and we were happy to give you the information. We were proud of
you. I was hoping that you were feeling empowered, not manipulated.

You aren't a child anymore. I think that you can easily see some of the
benefits of being an adult, and you also see some of the drawbacks. You
say you can do nothing to influence either party. This is not true.
You are already influencing your dad and I. So we are now leaving you
out of it. Your mother hung up on your dad again, so we are now going
to court. It will drag on, it will be stressful and expensive for
everyone, it will be embarrassing for your mom, and in the end, she will
still end up paying for part of your education. We have been through
this dozens of times. The difference this time is that you will be
there to see it because you are no longer the "minor child."

On the plus side. Being an adult is much better than being a child,
even with all of the stresses. Not being told what to do, when to do
it, how to do it all of the time is great. Having your own place that
you can decorate your own way is really great. I liked being an adult
from the very beginning and never went back, and my parents were very cool.

The stresses? Generally you can choose them by choosing your lifestyle
and who you are going to share it with. Right now you haven't gotten to
choose either yet. Actually, I take that back, you have chosen your
classes and other activities which are part of your lifestyle. This
spring if you choose another job, that could affect your lifestyle, but
the big change will come in the fall.

College is a blast. To be in a place like that with a bunch of peers
able to focus on school work and a few other activities is a fabulous
way to grow into adulthood. It's relatively safe with most of your
essential needs provided for. Your never bored, and there is as much
socializing as you need. It's going to be so weird when you are
researching art history papers at the same time I am.
~dee

Hey dad,
I would strongly urge you not to take my mother to court on the issues that have arisen.
Going to court will solve nothing; it will, however, spend money that would otherwise be spent on my college education, especially in my mother's case. Any legal fees she has to pay will reduce the realistic amount she will be able to contribute to me.
My mom has promised that she will pay what she can - that is good enough for me. And, if I am, as Dee says, the most important person in this process, my trust in her should be enough to make this whole fiasco irrelevant.
This move would be wasteful, stressful (something Dee said she lost sleep over causing) and in no way helpful to anyone.
I AM no longer a "minor child," and have a lot of money that I myself can bring to the table; about 40% right NOW, actually, and I am applying for every scholarship I can get my hands on.
So let's be adult about this, and trust one another. I trust that my mom AND you will provide what they CAN. You should trust me to provide what I can.
The point of this, to be blunt and selfish, is to get me through college without debt. This very expensive proposition will hurt everyone, and most likely make the ultimate goal impossible.
And I still love you, okay.
Yours,
Ryan

***
I am assuming there is more of this bullshit yet to come
Keep your eyes open lol.