This is an IM convo with oe of my greatest friends in the entire universe. I love talking to her, since we always seem to be the same person in a lot of ways, and helping her out with different problems helps me better understand myself (and vice versa in her case).
The point: I love my Jill and I never ever ever want her to go away!


Jillfayce! says:
i'm killing myslef over this
Jillfayce! says:
honestly
Jillfayce! says:
like i really want to step up
Jillfayce! says:
and do something
Jillfayce! says:
but i can't
Jillfayce! says:
and i keep telling myself i can't
Jillfayce! says:
but iw ant to so bad
You Rawk says:
what
Jillfayce! says:
god i'm driving myself crazy
You Rawk says:
tell your friends to stop being cuntbags?
Jillfayce! says:
like tell her i like her
You Rawk says:
oh
Jillfayce! says:
no haha i did that alreayd
You Rawk says:
ok
You Rawk says:
yeah
You Rawk says:
ok
You Rawk says:
I was wondering
You Rawk says:
if your spine had melted over this whole thing
You Rawk says:
and there was none left
You Rawk says:
ok
You Rawk says:
phew
You Rawk says:
well
You Rawk says:
you already knows what I sed
You Rawk says:
and if you've stood up for her friend
You Rawk says:
she will hear about it
You Rawk says:
and have respect for you
You Rawk says:
for standing up to your friends
You Rawk says:
for her friend
You Rawk says:
I thinks
Jillfayce! says:
i just keep telling myself i have no chance with her though you konw? like that it's pointless. and it just sinks me down deeper
Jillfayce! says:
ugh i hate this
Jillfayce! says:

You Rawk says:

You Rawk says:
bakk
You Rawk says:
hads to get a tissue
You Rawk says:
nose is runnin
You Rawk says:
and my feet smell
You Rawk says:
I IS UPSIDE DOWN!!!
You Rawk says:
haha
You Rawk says:
anyway
You Rawk says:
you is upside down over this deary
You Rawk says:
and it's beginning to make me really really worried about you
You Rawk says:
you is sinking deeper
You Rawk says:
and deeper
You Rawk says:
and deeper
You Rawk says:
and deeper
You Rawk says:
because you is SPECULATING
You Rawk says:
and MAKING the problem you're facing
You Rawk says:
the more you thinks about somehting
You Rawk says:
the bigger
You Rawk says:
meaner
You Rawk says:
nastier
You Rawk says:
and harier
You Rawk says:
it becomes
You Rawk says:
the only way to set this aside
You Rawk says:
and be at peace with yourself
You Rawk says:
is:
You Rawk says:
1. Forget about it (and in my opinion wonder forever what would have happened, thereby taking the coward's way ouy and not actually solving the problem, and also creating another)
You Rawk says:
or
You Rawk says:
2. STRAP YOURSELF UP AND ASK HER THE FUCK YOU AND FUCK WHAT PEOPLE SAT
You Rawk says:
SAY*
You Rawk says:
which is the Jill I know
You Rawk says:
and I'm wondering where that JIll ran away to
Jillfayce! says:
me too
Jillfayce! says:

You Rawk says:
what can happen if you get shot down?
You Rawk says:
short-term
You Rawk says:
angry people
You Rawk says:
will forget about it
You Rawk says:
when the next piece of juicy gossip comes along
You Rawk says:
you don't sound like a really popular person
You Rawk says:
by your own design
You Rawk says:
and so
You Rawk says:
you won't be hartassed by too many people
Jillfayce! says:
i gues i'm just
Jillfayce! says:
afraid of what she'll say
Jillfayce! says:
more than anyone else
You Rawk says:
get over it darlin
You Rawk says:
you'll have to ask a lot of poeple for things
You Rawk says:
in your life
You Rawk says:
and if you're afraid of being shot down every time
You Rawk says:
you'll get nothing
You Rawk says:
and you're too good for that
Jillfayce! says:
thank you so much ryan
Jillfayce! says:
i love you so fucking much
Jillfayce! says:
honestly
Jillfayce! says:
dude this reminds me of
Jillfayce! says:
a line from one of my favorites songs
Jillfayce! says:
by the cure
Jillfayce! says:
its like
Jillfayce! says:
get too scared to jump if i wait too long, but maybe someday
Jillfayce! says:
that's EXACTLY how i feel/how this is turning out
Jillfayce! says:
i waited way too long
Jillfayce! says:
and now
Jillfayce! says:
i'm thinking to much about it cause i've been waiting
Jillfayce! says:
and waiting
Jillfayce! says:
so i'm too scared to take the risk and make the move
Jillfayce! says:
idk
Jillfayce! says:
you know?
You Rawk says:
yeah
You Rawk says:
i knows
You Rawk says:
you just want to swing life away on that little porch
You Rawk says:
forever
You Rawk says:
and forget the world
You Rawk says:
but you can't do that dearest
You Rawk says:
that's why they write songs about it
You Rawk says:
so we can dream
Jillfayce! says:
if you and vicky come on the porch with me i'll be all good though hahahaha and i won't worry about this bullshit
You Rawk says:
I wish we could <wipes tear from corner of eye>
You Rawk says:
just forget the world
You Rawk says:
I don't want to go anywhere
You Rawk says:
I just would be so happy
You Rawk says:
if everything stayed the way it was
Jillfayce! says:
ughi was thinking th atlast night
You Rawk says:
(the only chnge being the frequency with which I saw you and Vick)
You Rawk says:
and there were no cares
You Rawk says:
gorwing up sucks
You Rawk says:
delay it as long as possible and you'll be happier
You Rawk says:
just be sure
You Rawk says:
not to draw inward and become self-destructive by ut
You Rawk says:
it*
You Rawk says:
what I mean
You Rawk says:
is not search for new responsibility
You Rawk says:
and not try to act like an adult
You Rawk says:
act like yourself
You Rawk says:
there's only one time to be a kid
You Rawk says:
and mine just ended a month ago
You Rawk says:
I want it back
You Rawk says:
I remember
You Rawk says:
when I used to play legos all day long
You Rawk says:
in my basement
You Rawk says:
not a care in the world
You Rawk says:
just me, unlimited spaces of time, and Sir Arthur's band of chivalrous knights
You Rawk says:
going around my lego world saving people
You Rawk says:
and doing good deeds
You Rawk says:
My friend Bruce still plays with legos
You Rawk says:
I love being in his little room
You Rawk says:
playing legos with him
You Rawk says:
it reminds me of everything I miss so much
Jillfayce! says:
dude me too!!!
You Rawk says:
of not having to care
Jillfayce! says:
oh my god
You Rawk says:
or make decisions
Jillfayce! says:
i miss it all so much
Jillfayce! says:
or worry abouTANY THING
Jillfayce! says:
i miss that so bad
You Rawk says:
people think I'm so crazy when I say thaty
You Rawk says:
then I ask them
You Rawk says:
do you work 50-60 hours a week during summer?
You Rawk says:
do you have to mediate a denbate between your parents?
You Rawk says:
do you have to balance politics in work?
You Rawk says:
do you have to balance politics on a newspaper staff?
You Rawk says:
are you the only person besides the management your boss trusts, and so therefore are leaned on?
You Rawk says:
do you have to closeread eveyrthing your father's side of the family sends you for jabs at yourself and your mother, and attempts to manipulate you?
You Rawk says:
because that's just a fuckihng fraction of what lies ahead of you
You Rawk says:
LIVE IN THE NOW
You Rawk says:
GRASP AHOLD OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU CAN
You Rawk says:
AND DON'T THINK ABOUT TOMORROW
You Rawk says:
AND NEVER FORGET YESTERDAY
Jillfayce! says:
best advice yesterday
Jillfayce! says:
*ever
Jillfayce! says:
hahaha
Jillfayce! says:
wow
You Rawk says:
BECAUSE YESTERDAY IS IMMORTAL
Jillfayce! says:
ryan
Jillfayce! says:
you are so amazing
You Rawk says:
yesterday lives forever
Jillfayce! says:
never leave me
You Rawk says:
I won't
You Rawk says:
ever
You Rawk says:
I might be in NY in body
You Rawk says:
but I'll be right by your side